I had fantasies about becoming a drug addict at the hands of another person. That I lost control to the drugs, and was forcibly feminized by that pers...n. I had fantasies of being indoctrinated into a cult. I felt aroused at the prospect of losing myself to someone else's control. With each exploration, the fetishes and fantasies always went along these lines. Losing control, and not being able to stop. I always ended up with the fem. persona. Many of the dreams and fantasizing went along these. Did I want simple friendly companionship? Had my recent sexual exploits with Melinda's husband blurred the lines, was I attracted to this bartender? And what if I was? What does that mean? Did I believe I was Melinda for that moment? What the hell was I going to do?I took a deep breath and thought it through. No matter what state of sexual psychic confusion I am in, no matter how often I lose myself in this role - I am not Melinda, or Melly, or any other sort of girl. And by asking this man for. Bahle hi dopahar ka wakt tha par jaise hi maine meri car ka light uspar flash kiya toh usne zatse dekha jis tarike se usne muze dekha mai samaz gaya ki ye waisi hi hai jaisi muze chahiye ab usee pataneka silsila shuru hua jab usne muze dekha toh shayad usse bhi mai pasand aaya, kyuki woh bhi barbar muze ghur rahi thi laikin usne muze koi reaction nahi diya.2-3 bar Usse light flash karne ke baad mai waha se chala gaya jaate jaate usne muze halki si smile di badli mai maine bhi meri car roki aur. It's happened before. More than once I'm betting, and more extreme. But always she's been in control. Always commanding, subservient men doing her every bidding. Whether they knew it or not. Not now. Not tonight.Funny thing is, she actually wants it. And I don't mean in the sick way perverts always use to justify their actions. Of course, she wouldn't admit it. Hell, probably doesn't even know it, but some small part of her wants to be controlled. Wants it as bad as I want to-- need to give.
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