"Beautiful. Now, stand up and let me look at you," mom ordered."What time is it?" I asked anxiously, reaching for my glasses and putting them on."Rela..., you have plenty of time." Mom could be so steadying! "Turn around, slowly."I did, still barefoot. Well, totally bare, actually, watching myself in the mirror. I looked so exposed! There was nothing between me and the world, and that was how I'd be at the dance!My innards gave a funny little squinching sort of thing. It felt just a little bit. I closed my eyes again remembering last Christmas. Lady C’s life had turned to shit because of me; I emailed her that I wanted to be more than “Her Uncle”. Each time I saw her, she left with more and more of my heart. She didn’t know--she never knew --that I wanted it to be more. I wanted to hold her, feel her warmth and even to be a part of her life. She did not know until I clicked send. I never thought her husband would read the email. I felt something move next to me and I rolled over. That was, in turn, mounted on a vertical white four-by-four, cemented securely in the ground at the edge of the driveway. Three blooming red roses were painted on the side of the box, tied together with an artistic green vine. I remembered picking it out so many years ago. I thought it was pretty and now I only saw the roses’ non-rendered thorns. My husband’s death, a year-and-a-half ago, had removed most of the color from the world. Cancer was the murderer, a fight we took on with money we. Emma and I were almost the same age, the same school year, Im six months older. We used to be friends, until he sent her to boarding school and I went to the local state school. Horten in Wharfedale Comprehensive. Yes my Lord. Of course my Lord, I said Three bags full my lord, I muttered. He was a loathsome cretin, I really hated him. Short arsed little runt. He was on wife number three. Rumour had it he liked to watch his wives having group sex with well hung black guys. Personally I always.
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