One advantage to being the “cool Uncle” was that all the kids felt comfortable around me.“Do you think I’m pretty?”Phew. A softball. Nothing...I can’t handle.“Of course you are, honey. Why would you think anything differently?”“I don’t know.”“There has to be something.”Paiten bites her bottom lip. I don’t know what’s going on in her head, but I can tell she’s nervous.“Come on, Pait. You know you can talk to me. What’s on your mind.”“Do you think I’m pretty like the girls in that movie you were. They talked about me making goodprogress with my transition, and "finally achieving my dreams". Theyhave no idea what I am going through - the pain of being invisible to theman I love.Then, just when I was giving up hope, Scott came out to present some foodand he whispered in my ear: "You look fat". It was a lie and it wasoffensive and hurtful, but all I could think was: "He saw me. He islooking at me. He cares about how I look. I am getting there".Diary Entry 28I just try to keep. Waiting until you inhale and then pulling the joint from you and pulling darkly and hotly at your collar by the leash. I whisper my demand with your head pulled hotly and forcibly back. “Don't exhale” Just the command of it takes you and forces you to start coughing on the smoke but my direction and the tug at your windpipe just won't let you. You strain to keep the smoke in with little chokes. Your whole body wracked with it. I close in and just start to whisper hotly. “That's right, you're. This was something that was so strange, new, andvery confusing to me. I knew that as a boy; you just didn't go arounddressing up like a girl. So that's when I started my secret life, withall of its hiding, fear, and confusion. Right up till then, you could sayI was like any other normal boy. I was into baseball, catch, football,fishing, and riding my bike. All I knew was that, deep down inside, itfelt great to wear that pretty party dress. I knew I had to do it again.don't get me wrong I was.
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