”“No,” he said, reddening slightly.“Why not?”He paused.“I didn’t want to freak you out,” he said.“Dude, it’s YOUR apartment,” I ...aid. “You can do whatever you like.”“It’s yours, too, now, though. And I noticed you haven’t brought anyone home yourself.”“I’m not seeing anyone,” I said.“Neither am I.”“No ...well… casual sex?”“I could ask you the same question.”He had me there.“It’s just that...well, I thought…”"That gay guys have all sorts of one-off sex?”“Well…”“Some do,” he said. “Not me. Not. My hair looked too long and straggly and my eyes felt puffy even if I couldn’t really tell by looking. And of course, I had nothing to wear. I fretted about it for ages, then decided I was just going to go. I showered and put my hair up in a ponytail and threw some makeup on – not much, just enough to look as if I gave a crap – and put on jeans and a Spider-Man t-shirt. I looked at myself before I left and thought the t-shirt screamed pathetic middle aged loser geek, which depressed me almost. I logged onto my favorite swinger site to see if I had gotten any messages or made any new connections. I had been so busy that I hadn't been online in a while, and was surprised to find a number of new flirts and messages from fellow members.Most of the messages were from people whom I didn't find of interest but one in particular caught my eye so I opened it up to read further. It was from a couple in their late 50s and they expressed interest in having someone shoot erotic pictures of them.. I calmed down and was able to settle the stomach with a glass of water. Wiping my face off, I returned to the kitchen table.Brenda was in tears, crying softly. I wanted to go to her and hold her. Hug her to me and tell her it would be okay. The problem was I didn't know if it would be okay ever again. I sat down heavily, wanting to be able to know what to say or ask without getting sick again."So ... you and Marie's nights out were for scouting for men then?" NO. That never happened before. We.
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