And it took being cruel with me to get through. For him more than me. I just needed it.”“I saw that too,” Ginny said.“I still need it,” Rach...l shrugged. “He still hasn’t quite fucked the bitch out of me. It’s like a momentary fix.”“I saw that too,” Ginny said again.“He loves me, just like he loves you, but it’s a matter of degrees. Maybe you wouldn’t think love has levels. And in a way, in the moment, especially with Joe and his intense focus, it doesn’t exist. But outside the moment it does. I. "I'm playing with myself." I felt my sense of shame starting to crack again."How often do you do this ... and don't you lie to me, I can always tell." Please Mom can I put something on?" Maybe afterwards, for now just tell me." Every day." Mom shook her head, "I'm sorry Mom. I try not to do it but sometimes..." Sometimes what?"I decide not to lie to Mom, "Sometimes I can't help myself and it's just too strong. I'm sorry..." I started to cry again and my head fell down to my chest. Mom lifted my. I didn't know what was going on ... I was worried Sarah might come back any time. When I looked up to check, Emily, I mean Mrs. Thompson, grabbed my hand." I was shaking my head as I told Katrina my tale."But she's married!" sis protested."The next day was worse," I promised ominously."Worse than that? What happened?" Katrina might have been angry at Mrs. T but she was certainly curious to hear all the details."Everyone was going to town except me that day. To visit some old aunt or someone.. I don't know, I just never figured you'd be interested, that's all," he replied."Are you interested?" I asked."Well, yeah, kind of. I never mentioned it because ... I don't know; I thought you'd get angry I guess."Once again I thought of Eileen's advice about learning to talk to one another from the very start. "Bobby, please don't ever be afraid of talking to me about anything; okay, I mean it, honey, anything at all." Okay, honey," he responded, "I promise." So what do you think; you want to.
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