My head was reeling from the thoughts of what I had just done with this man. ‘Now I KNOW I’m a queer’, I thought. We got back on the road. This ...ime I was sitting close to him, our bodies touching, as we drove to the city. When we got to where he was dropping me off, he pulled me close and we kissed goodbye. "Maybe I'll see you again, Keven," he said.I watched as he drove away. I wanted more. There would be no going back now. I walked into the city feeling less like a male than ever before; it. Not just for me but for you, too. It hurts me to know that I’m causing you pain.I’ve told you about the nightmares but what I haven’t told you is that they carry over into the day. I haven’t slept for more than an hour at a time for two months. I’m too scared to leave the house but I’m terrified at being here, too. I can’t live that way.I can’t stop reliving that day.I finally understand how betrayed you felt when the people you cared about let you down. I want to apologize for trivializing. “Shit! Sorry mi amor,” she said, massaging my ass. “Ma,” I said, lowering my voice to a whisper and moving closer to her. “Get in the pool with me.” I reached down and grabbed her hand, leading her outside. I didn’t miss how quickly she downed that last wine glass. My words seemed to have hypnotized her and she got up to follow me. If neighbors would’ve peeked outside their windows they would have seen a muscle jock boy with an 8 inch throbbing erection towering over his gorgeous, tiny drunk. She had to serve him, well and faithfully as the contract said. Those papers did not mention bed."Playing cards. high stakes," she said, trotting off to serve a table. I enjoying watching her walk, and went to join the card game.They dealt me in and it did not take long to figure out that the 'husband' was a cheat and the others fools. I remembered the last time I caught a man cheating the same way and felt at my knife hilt. I won a few and lost a few, and then I brought out my big blade.
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