"Pushing aside my own thoughts of my lost first love and focusing on Sasha, I smiled and opened up my arms invitingly. She grinned and quickly got out...of her chair, dropping into my lap and laying her head down on my shoulder while I pecked her forehead and rubbed her arm.But our embrace only lasted a few seconds before Sasha squirmed and complained, "Ugh. I need to go take a shower. It's been a long day and I feel all grimey."I chuckled and released her while she stood up. "Can I watch?". She was so beautiful that my unruly friend in my pants didn't even raise his head. I suspect one look at this woman and all he could think was, "She's way out of my league."I reflected on that. Up until recently, I'd have agreed with him. Actually I did agree with him up to now. But as I looked at her, I realized that under all that astounding beauty was just Chris, whose laugh made me feel giddy, and whose touch sent me into trembling limpness. I knew I had it bad, but I didn't care. I was. “Alice, could I borrow your soap please?” I asked.“My pleasure,” Alice answered, as she joined me under the shower and started lathering my back.I tried to figure out a polite way to discourage Alice’s hands-on assistance when her daughter joined us and proceeded to lather my legs. The sensation of two sets of hands caressing my body vanquished whatever objections I had over getting woman-handled. I could probably force myself to get used to pampering with a little bit of effort.“You need to. I think I can understand why Sharon would do what you describe. It's a slightly unusual self-destructive behavior, but that's what we often see happen with people that are coping with the loss of a loved one."It's called 'survivor's guilt.' They wonder why they deserve to still be alive when someone they loved so much is dead. When they can't consciously resolve that question for themselves, they subconsciously try to balance the scales by hurting themselves."Something dawned on me. "What kind.
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